My twin friends (affectionately and sassily called "My guys") live a couple hours south of me. CK and SK live together in SK's house. CK joking/seriously said I should move down and in with them. They have the room and want me around. Now I am not a fool. I noticed it was all CK and not SK. But whatever...
And this weekened we disussed it more. And I was not surpised when SK hedged in and said not going to work. That's cool. BUT CK was all disappointed. Really fucking disappointed. Which confused the shit outta me. Why?
And I'm not saying it always eds this way, but it did make me think. And I have noticed that he's been acting a bit more different. Getting closer, being a little more touchy. But hey, he's just being him. No thing. And I've been the same way, because I'm interested, but not worried about going for me.
And it hit me... He's interested. He wants to spend more time with me. Just me. And that shocked me. Apparently I'm the only one not seeing it.
This is new.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Sometimes things just happen... xD
This weekend I have been spending time with my friends The Twins. They live roughly two hours away from me, and our work schedules do not always coincide, but when they do shenanigans occur. Why, because we are dorky awesome individuals. I'm said to see tomorrow because it means I must leave for him.
One is a fellow ace. The Twins's mom seem to have hopes that me and the ace twin will get back together... she wants grandkids. Apparently him and I are her hope. No one has informed her that neither him nor I want kids or marriage. So him and I got to talking and we came to a conclusion (bargain). We've basically become fake significant others (SO for short). Why? Because it can get some of his family off of his back and some people off of mine.
Win Win situation.
I'd be lying if I hadn't been considering this idea for a while now. I was surprised at how easy it was. And when I mean easy, I mean it took no time or effort. None.
As a fake SO he's better than my real exSO was. IDK what that says about me.. or him... or m ex. But it's funny. And I plan on useing this to ditch my once in a while FWB.
This is either the most brilliant bit of fun or the most horrible bit of fun. But still fun.
One is a fellow ace. The Twins's mom seem to have hopes that me and the ace twin will get back together... she wants grandkids. Apparently him and I are her hope. No one has informed her that neither him nor I want kids or marriage. So him and I got to talking and we came to a conclusion (bargain). We've basically become fake significant others (SO for short). Why? Because it can get some of his family off of his back and some people off of mine.
Win Win situation.
I'd be lying if I hadn't been considering this idea for a while now. I was surprised at how easy it was. And when I mean easy, I mean it took no time or effort. None.
As a fake SO he's better than my real exSO was. IDK what that says about me.. or him... or m ex. But it's funny. And I plan on useing this to ditch my once in a while FWB.
This is either the most brilliant bit of fun or the most horrible bit of fun. But still fun.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
So... let's talk about Asexuality
One of my main reasons for starting this blog was to really get into the discussion on Asexuality. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings regarding this subject, and I'm ready to unleash it all.
First of all, I am a demiromantic (though I lean more towards aromantic than anything) asexual. To best understand this, let me break it down.
Asexuality means... in the barest of definitions.... no sexual attraction. This is not Celibacy (which is a choice to not have sex). Asexuals can (and some do) have sex. Some like sex. Some do not like sex. The common denominator is that we do not feel sexual attraction (ie: Tom Hiddleston is extrememly physically attractive and I would hug him... but I do not have that urge to ... how do my friends say it? "Hit that").
Demiromantic...basically it means it takes a strong connection to have any romantic intentions on my end. This is not the same as saying "I want to be friends first". I mean I have absolutely no romantic designs on people without some connection... I just don't feel that way. It takes a lot... and it takes a bit of time.
Aromantic means no romantiIc attraction. It does not mean can't love. It does not mean not interested in a significant other... it's just a twist and not your usual (sometimes- some enter into relationships with romantics).
I have been told many times that coming out as ace (short, cutesy name meaning asexual) is not important and is not needed. And I do see their limited understanding here. But it is important. My coming out allows others battleing with asexuality know that it exsists. That they are not alone. Coming out helps others to come out... or at least helps others to come out to themselves. Coming out helps with self acceptance and this is important.
I have been out as asexual for less than six months now. I have been out with myself about it for about 8 or 9 months now. But I have always been asexual. In the short time I've been out and open about it, I have helped others to not only recognize asexuality, but I've had one person come out as part of the asexual umbrella.
My biggest complication since coming out as demiromantic asexual, was transforming all of my relationship expectations... Because all of my expectations were based on how society sees a "proper"relationship. The thing is... each relationship is different, and each are valid. It's been difficult to change my views on relationships. I've always believed a significant other type of romantic relationships must include: a lot of affection (physical affection), eventually sex (at some point), and things on that line..... thoughts of marriage or some commitment that involves living together... sleeping together.
The problem is that all my "expectations" made me miserable. Achieving the minimum of the expectations just left me feeling bad and as if I was acting the girlfriend. And I ended most of my relationships because I got tired of "acting the girlfriend".
Now I'm slowly realizing what a relationship with me will be like. And I'm finally accepting that and being okay with that. I don't want nor like a lot of physical affection. I'm not that cuddly and I'm not that sweet. I have little to no libido and have little interest in a sexual relationship (its extremely rare when I want sex of any kind). And I have very little interest in sharing a bed full time... so if I ever actually marry I want seperate rooms. But thats not a thing... because I do not have much interest in marriage. Oh and I don't really want kids.
This has lead to me being everyone's best friend... and some people's friend with some side benefits (I do enjoy kissing and I even enjoy a cuddle about once a month... or less lol). I am quite content with that actually.
My friends have been fabulous with my coming out. Especially my best buddy, who has supported me from the beginning ( and I absolutely adore her for that and more). Family wise, I was so surprised by who was supportive (or at least accepting) and who was like WTH?
My mom was like, "whatevs" and "Not surprised". which surprised me, but hey I'll take it! My dad is an asshold about it. He thinks I should stop my "asexual" nonesense. He wants me married with kids... all for my happiness of course. :rolls eyes:. My second mom (a friends mom who is amazing and calls me her other daughter), is super amazing. She's just like, "You happy?" "Good. That's all I care about".
My therapist... had to be taught about asexuality. Which has been a great experience because in doing so I have become better at understanding it myself. Hell, she even took what I've said and used it with another patient who is asexual... but hadn't had a name for it other than "Broken". And I so get that, because before I found asexuality I felt as if I was broken.
Broken. Another reason coming out and educating about asexuality is so important. Because I am not broken.
And yeah... this was a lot longer than I intended, but asexuality is important to me. Feel free to ask any questions, and I'm always open to helping on this subject as well.
Til Next time Sweets!
First of all, I am a demiromantic (though I lean more towards aromantic than anything) asexual. To best understand this, let me break it down.
Asexuality means... in the barest of definitions.... no sexual attraction. This is not Celibacy (which is a choice to not have sex). Asexuals can (and some do) have sex. Some like sex. Some do not like sex. The common denominator is that we do not feel sexual attraction (ie: Tom Hiddleston is extrememly physically attractive and I would hug him... but I do not have that urge to ... how do my friends say it? "Hit that").
Demiromantic...basically it means it takes a strong connection to have any romantic intentions on my end. This is not the same as saying "I want to be friends first". I mean I have absolutely no romantic designs on people without some connection... I just don't feel that way. It takes a lot... and it takes a bit of time.
Aromantic means no romantiIc attraction. It does not mean can't love. It does not mean not interested in a significant other... it's just a twist and not your usual (sometimes- some enter into relationships with romantics).
I have been told many times that coming out as ace (short, cutesy name meaning asexual) is not important and is not needed. And I do see their limited understanding here. But it is important. My coming out allows others battleing with asexuality know that it exsists. That they are not alone. Coming out helps others to come out... or at least helps others to come out to themselves. Coming out helps with self acceptance and this is important.
I have been out as asexual for less than six months now. I have been out with myself about it for about 8 or 9 months now. But I have always been asexual. In the short time I've been out and open about it, I have helped others to not only recognize asexuality, but I've had one person come out as part of the asexual umbrella.
My biggest complication since coming out as demiromantic asexual, was transforming all of my relationship expectations... Because all of my expectations were based on how society sees a "proper"relationship. The thing is... each relationship is different, and each are valid. It's been difficult to change my views on relationships. I've always believed a significant other type of romantic relationships must include: a lot of affection (physical affection), eventually sex (at some point), and things on that line..... thoughts of marriage or some commitment that involves living together... sleeping together.
The problem is that all my "expectations" made me miserable. Achieving the minimum of the expectations just left me feeling bad and as if I was acting the girlfriend. And I ended most of my relationships because I got tired of "acting the girlfriend".
Now I'm slowly realizing what a relationship with me will be like. And I'm finally accepting that and being okay with that. I don't want nor like a lot of physical affection. I'm not that cuddly and I'm not that sweet. I have little to no libido and have little interest in a sexual relationship (its extremely rare when I want sex of any kind). And I have very little interest in sharing a bed full time... so if I ever actually marry I want seperate rooms. But thats not a thing... because I do not have much interest in marriage. Oh and I don't really want kids.
This has lead to me being everyone's best friend... and some people's friend with some side benefits (I do enjoy kissing and I even enjoy a cuddle about once a month... or less lol). I am quite content with that actually.
My friends have been fabulous with my coming out. Especially my best buddy, who has supported me from the beginning ( and I absolutely adore her for that and more). Family wise, I was so surprised by who was supportive (or at least accepting) and who was like WTH?
My mom was like, "whatevs" and "Not surprised". which surprised me, but hey I'll take it! My dad is an asshold about it. He thinks I should stop my "asexual" nonesense. He wants me married with kids... all for my happiness of course. :rolls eyes:. My second mom (a friends mom who is amazing and calls me her other daughter), is super amazing. She's just like, "You happy?" "Good. That's all I care about".
My therapist... had to be taught about asexuality. Which has been a great experience because in doing so I have become better at understanding it myself. Hell, she even took what I've said and used it with another patient who is asexual... but hadn't had a name for it other than "Broken". And I so get that, because before I found asexuality I felt as if I was broken.
Broken. Another reason coming out and educating about asexuality is so important. Because I am not broken.
And yeah... this was a lot longer than I intended, but asexuality is important to me. Feel free to ask any questions, and I'm always open to helping on this subject as well.
Til Next time Sweets!
Friday, February 7, 2014
Seemingly Mandatory Introduction Blog Entry...
Hello readers, fellow bloggers, personal friends, and possible stalkers!
My name is Autumn and I'm just your average 24 year old factory rat. I've tried blogging in the past in a basic"Here's my day. Journal Entry. Blah blah blah" type of way. It was a fine way to get my thoughts out and show how High School Teen I was. Now I'm a little older, a whole lot wiser, and I recognize that my day to day life is not as exciting as I once wished it would be (and thus had acted as if it was). This blog, Story of a Life, will be a bit journal like, but hopefully with more of a direction. Probably just as boring, but I see that now and will not pretend otherwise.
So a bit about me... so you can get a feel for who I am and what I am about (and thus this blog).
I work full time in a factory (bet you didn't guess that from paragraph one?) and I am an English literature major at my local college. I am, however, taking a break from school to focus on paying off some of my other debts. But I plan on returning this fall. I am an avid user of Tumblr and spend more time than I care to admit here on that site. I read- a lot (hence my major), but since I work full time audiobooks have become my best friend.
This past year, 2013, I had quite a few breakthroughs for myself. I was offically diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder (I will go into detail on that in another entry) in the summer and came out as a demi (bi ) romantic asexual in the fall.
You read that right. Asexual... again this will be discussed often and explained fully in another entry.
I am so into fanfiction for quite a few fandoms.... Currently my main fandoms are:
Hmm, what else should I mention about me? I have two cats that I adore with every fibor of my being. There is Tower (my chubby, 20lb ginger kitty) who is 5, and Lestat (my gorgeous long hair female with a male name) who is 4
. I am happily single and living it up.
Feel free to message me any questions you wish to ask. Odds are I will answer them, and share them on my blog here.
Til next time, Sweets!
My name is Autumn and I'm just your average 24 year old factory rat. I've tried blogging in the past in a basic"Here's my day. Journal Entry. Blah blah blah" type of way. It was a fine way to get my thoughts out and show how High School Teen I was. Now I'm a little older, a whole lot wiser, and I recognize that my day to day life is not as exciting as I once wished it would be (and thus had acted as if it was). This blog, Story of a Life, will be a bit journal like, but hopefully with more of a direction. Probably just as boring, but I see that now and will not pretend otherwise.
So a bit about me... so you can get a feel for who I am and what I am about (and thus this blog).
I work full time in a factory (bet you didn't guess that from paragraph one?) and I am an English literature major at my local college. I am, however, taking a break from school to focus on paying off some of my other debts. But I plan on returning this fall. I am an avid user of Tumblr and spend more time than I care to admit here on that site. I read- a lot (hence my major), but since I work full time audiobooks have become my best friend.
This past year, 2013, I had quite a few breakthroughs for myself. I was offically diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder (I will go into detail on that in another entry) in the summer and came out as a demi (bi ) romantic asexual in the fall.
You read that right. Asexual... again this will be discussed often and explained fully in another entry.
I am so into fanfiction for quite a few fandoms.... Currently my main fandoms are:
- Sherlock (johnlock, mystrade)
- Hannibal (hannigram all the way)
- Harry Potter (so many pairings: snarry, drarry, Har/Luc, etc etc)
- The Blacklist (Lizzington)
Hmm, what else should I mention about me? I have two cats that I adore with every fibor of my being. There is Tower (my chubby, 20lb ginger kitty) who is 5, and Lestat (my gorgeous long hair female with a male name) who is 4
. I am happily single and living it up.
Feel free to message me any questions you wish to ask. Odds are I will answer them, and share them on my blog here.
Til next time, Sweets!
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